Mind mazes.

Its believed by several that the mind is an insanely complex, mysterious, incredible organ that, if left to its own devices, can completely heal itself. Sometimes, I agree. there have even been cases of schizophrenics and manic depressives who have been left without pharmaceudatical and phsycological therapy that have, in the span of nine months to two years, come back full circle, totally normal. The brain rewires itself. Like any injury, it reconnects and rerouts broken networks, fizzed out chemicals, deficient nerve endings, you name it.
But, like any injury, you have to look at the healing process. For the mind, we don't know much about this. Its still all knew. But we know what sprained ankles are like. and concussions. and bruised tendons. and broken legs. Some injuries are better off left to their own devices. If you have a sprained ankle, watch it, stay off of it, possibly wrap it, and in a little while the body will heal itself. If you have a concussion, make sure you can wake up every two hours, and stay hydrated. But sometimes, there are the broken legs. Where, if not set right, they DO repair themselves, but incorrectly-- and left with painful consequences, such as a painful limp, or disjointed connection. Sometimes, if left to its own devices, the mind is the same way. It repairs itself, but incorrectly, with ill-planned coping methods that barely get the person by. Some healing takes help.
You ever wonder why sometimes you will fall asleep struggling with a math problem from homework, and wake up the next day and be able to work through it immediately? The secret is dreams. Thats why its best to study an hour before going to sleep. Sometimes dreams can be messages from God, and sometimes dreams can be messages from ourselves. But mostly, dreams are the visual manifestations of our brain working through problems of the day. While our bodies finally rest, our minds come alive and work through lightning speed networks in order to figure out what we've been trying to figure out all day, and couldn't. Sometimes, it actually is better to go to bed angry.
5th grade was a very good year.
Once I had a dream that my fish escaped the tank and were, instead, swimming along peacefully in the air around my room. They were perfectly content there, but never really met an end or direction. I didn't know it, but i was actually seeing the way that I work through my problems.
My doctor says I have obsessive thoughts. I take thoughts and problems and analyze them, taking them apart piece by piece. but when all is said and done, they linger, floating, swimming, circling. They never leave fully, and instead cycle in a never ending riseclimaxfall. Its extremely annoying and is usually the cause of a very, very bad day that I usually have to cover up.
Understanding is key. Its time to set this broken leg.
Dr. B has suggested ways for me to conciously set my problems aside, and none of them have worked--mostly because I have been too afraid to try. But what if, instead of training by thinking, I could train by....writing?
and this is where I ended up.
One of my roommates is quite amazing. she's helped me work through problems and bring me to my own solutions before without suggesting anything at all, and I never got how she did it. now I do.
Let us write. Let us list. Let us break apart. Let us resolve. and let us be finished, and on to the next thing. I think I'm ready for that.
Let us set this broken leg.

Problem: I was twenty minutes late meeting a teacher I was supposed to teach a class for in the high school. he was like "you really need to be on time." I was like "you're completely right." I couldn't tell if he was angry but it was definitely that awkward "I can't scold you because you are a college student and supposed to act like an adult. But i really, really want to."
Further examination: The entire thing really was my fault. I was 15 minutes late last time. I've tried thousands upon thousands of solutions to being on time. none of them have worked, and I'm not sure where to go from here.
Possible consequences: I'll have to ask even more favors from someone I've already inconvenienced. If I don't, I'll fail the class I'm in, if I'm not failing already. And I hate, hate HATE disappointing people.
Further consequences: If I fail this class, I won't graduate. Mr. Bogue will also get a bad report and might reconsider handling my student teaching. And if I can't figure out how to be on time, I will never get a job and will be living with my parents until I'm 40. ew.
Possible solutions: I'm not above begging for forgiveness. But that would just make it awkward for both of us.
The solution: send an email tommorow. apologize briefly. Ask if there is a last time we can meet. smoothly promise promptness. explain to profesor about lesson plan subject change. hope she understands or has better plan of action. Meet with teacher, write kick-butt lesson, teach kick-butt lesson, feel better about self in the end. forget about this whole thing, breathe sigh of relief, and move on to next thing.


...sa-weet.