Is.

I hate it how every time I run across something I need to ask my therapist, it feels like an epiphany. But it usually is one nonetheless.

That's right. If you didn't think I was a flake before, then I have just confirmed all of your worst "oh my gosh my friend's a melting pot of emotion meets basket case" fears. You're welcome.

Wanna re experience my latest semi-eureka moment? I'll bet you don't. But thats alright, this blog isn't for you anyway. You can leave mid post, I won't be offended. Really.

Alright. Are you ready for this? This mind blowing realization that comes to me mid procrastination? You ready?

I can't deal with ANYTHING if I'm overwhelmed. Even in the least bit.

I know, right? I'm the picture of pointless dysfunctionality. It's alright though, I don't mind. I'd rather figure this out now, anyways. And besides, by anything, I mean anything. I'm taking seventeen hours with finals on the loom and two correspondence tests and one big paper waiting to be torn apart by one of my misguided professors who really is just trying to help. In the process, I haven't worn my contacts, worn my hair down, redyed my roots, done laundry, consistently taken my medicine, or showered since Thanksgiving break. I know you probably really didn't want to know that last bit. I'll just say that maximum strength deodorant and bath and body works does wonders. You know what else I haven't done? Worked on any of the frackin' things that are overwhelming me. Instead I've been eating, writing angsty blog posts, and procrastinating. Because there is a giant mountain of work ahead of me: never mind that I spent literally all 72 hours of my thanksgiving break trying to make this mountain smaller. And I am overwhelmed. And I've come to this point where I've simply shut down.

I don't for the life of me know why. I've never been one to think that things will go away if I simply ignore them. But for some reason, when I'm overwhelmed, I can't function.

I don't really know how I'm going to tackle this from here, and I don't know how I'm going to climb away from the jagged rock of self centeredness that's been threatening to impale my situation even further. But this, right here, helps.

Either way, I've been amazed how Christ has been smothering me with his incredibly soothing presence. It's not that any of it is giving me further excuse to shirk or sleep or shut out. Its just His promise that "He who began a good work in me will continue it until the day of Christ Jesus." I can't function, or have it all together, and sometimes be falling apart for no reason, but in any event He keeps me breathing. He keeps me standing. His patience speaks in inexpressible ways. And above all? When all the odds are against me, when the world is apart and when the world is together, and its impossible for me or anyone to be constant, and consistent, and always...He is. He is always. He is constant. He is consistent. He is enduring patience. He is.