Reasons Why I totally would have married Arnold.

1. His room was boss.

2. He only raised his voice when he needed to.

3. He had the most awesome grandparents on the planet—second only to my grandparents.

4. Even when his grandmother made no sense, he found ways to learn from her.

5. I called dibs, and the rules of dibs indicate that when you call dibs in the presence of people, you get possession of the thing you called dibs on. Dibs on Arnold.

6. Helga was a jerk anyway. There was no way she would treat him like he deserved. I never liked her.

7. He was compassionate. The boy freed an ancient tortoise that was not being treated properly, and re made a bike from scratch so a dork would feel better.

8. two words: fabulous mustache.

9. The entire soundtrack to his show was composed of electronic, poppy jazz. The boy has fantastic taste.

10. He wasn’t ACTUALLY wearing a kilt.

11. I haven’t the slightest idea what his last name is. The mystery is enthralling.

12. He had 700 pets living in his apartment. One of which was a pig named Abner.

13. If we were married, Gerald could come over, and I have a feeling we would play video games.

14. He stood up for people who were bullied.

15. He was kind.

The only potential problem:

Arnold can pull off any sort of wardrobe. case in point:

Also, EVERYONE loves Arnold. Its annoying to be around someone everybody drools over all the time.

But I think we’d work through it, especially considering the fact that I never did anything like steal his used gum and make a complete Arnold replica from it.