"I will hold you too tightly."

I love eureka momoents. especially ones that could only come from Jesus.
My life is not consumed by apathy.
Its consumed by effort.
imagine that.

I'm not appluading myself, please dont misunderstand. I lost myself in the frustration of my failure. its a bad thing.

I've forgotten that learning comes first by watching. and sometimes failing. at least for me.
First comes love, then comes marraige. hm.
Alas, I truly cannot do it on my own, and shouldn't beat myself up for that. Whats mine is His and whats His is mine. It doesn't seem fair that He should have to get all my dirty socks and grungy toothbrushes while i get the good end of the stick with His beautiful idea called grace.

But marraige isnt meant to be fair, i suppose.

And so I'll learn again to give Him my hopes, dreams, loves, passions, efforts....and my nothingness. because its okay to give Him that ok.

I'm not supposed to live a life of effort. To live is Christ and to die is gain.